Before I had children I could make myself look like a magazine cover.
After children, I look more like a painting.
I ‘ll admit, I have mixed feelings about this, but based on paintings through the ages I’m pretty sure this is how it was meant to be. I’m baffled by people like, Brooke Burke, how after 5 children looks like she’s never had any with her board flat tummy, zero stretch mark scars and beaming smile. There is no question about it, she is beautiful, stunningly beautiful and earns her living off of that. But I can’t help but feel like we are being lied to.
It reminds me of that scene in Legally Blond where Brooke Taylor Windham confides in Elle Woods that she has actually had liposuction and that her butt blasting home videos are not entirely the reason for her toned toosh. When I count up my own miles and calories and yoga classes and pilates classes and hours of no sleep, then look at myself in the mirror after only two children, I can’t get anywhere close to looking like her, or Jessica Alba in her bikini 4 months after her second daughter or Haley Barry with her clear genetic supremecy.
Don’t get me wrong, this is not a piece on how I feel like the Pillsbury Dough Boy, because I don’t, or how I am morally against cosmetic surgery and procedures, because I’m not. It is simply me saying that I think we’re being lied to. As a culture, I think we’re being lied to. It used to be beautiful to look like a woman, now looking like a woman with hips, boobs, a butt and a rounded stomach is called ‘Curvy” and we are given the pitty smile from the fashion world because we aren’t 8 feet tall with the measurments of a prepubecent boy. Even famous women who are a small size 4 are pitched to us as the curvy ones. Its unfair to them and its unfair to us.
And it’s about to happen again when Jessica Simpson reveals her sexy skinny post baby body in her new Weight Watchers Ads. I love Weight Watchers and I used it to lose my 50 lbs of baby weight both times and if I have a third child I will use it again. But again, I think we’re being lied to. Either these beautiful and ambitious women really do have “Celebrity Secrets” ( the first of which being those long term night nurses I’ve been reading about) or they are actually genetically surpiror to we lay people with no fame and no Amex black cards or ( and I think this one is it) they are under extreme pressure to do something nearly physically impossible and contintue to look like a magazine cover post babies, since they actually are those magazine covers.
And its a shame. I’ve watched my mother struggle with it, I’ve struggled with it and now I’m raising daughters whom I need to try and help to not struggle with it the same ways. Skinny isn’t the only pretty, and sometimes skinny isn’t pretty at all. Instead of focusing on being the prettiest and skinniest girls in the room, lets focus on being the most interesting, the most well read, the most gracious, the most kind and the most enigmatic woman in the room. Dress size be damned, that is a woman worth knowing.
Back when it took all the time in the world to finish painting a woman she had to be somebody special, somebody worth painting and somebody worth remembering.
These days I look more like a woman in a painting…I’m going to try to be proud of that.