Repeat After Me

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Repeat after me:
I shall not judge my house, my kid’s summer activities or my crafting skills by Pinterest’s standards.
I shall not measure what I’ve accomplished today by the loads of unfolded laundry but by the assurance of deep love I’ve tickled into my kids
I shall say “yes” to blanket forts and see past the chaos to the memories we’re building.
I shall surprise my kids with trips to get ice cream when they’re already in their pajamas.
I shall not compare myself to other mothers, but find my identity in the God who trusted me with these kids in the first place.
I shall remember that a messy house at peace is better than an immaculate house tied up in knots.
I shall play music loudly and teach my kids the joy of wildly uncoordinated dance.
I shall say “sorry” when sorry is necessary.
I pray to that God I shall never be too proud, angry or stubborn to ask for my children’s forgiveness.
I shall love their father and make sure they know I love him.
I shall not be intimidated by the inside of my minivan – this season of chip bags, goldfish crackers and discarded socks too shall pass.
I shall not resent that last call for kisses and cups of water but remember instead that when I blink they’ll all be in college.
~ with love from one tired mother to another.

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September Memories by GrandMomopoly Beth

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September  Memories

“In the end. it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years” Abraham Lincoln

As September rolls around, I am reminded that both my Mother and my Father  were born in September, 1907.. My Mother on the 13th. My Dad on the 18th.  He always said that he married an older woman!!

The last time I saw my Mother was in September of 1979. They surprised me with a visit on their way home from a train trip across Canada and the US.  I still see them standing in the window of the train waving to me as they pulled away..

I was 30 years old with a 6 yr old, a 2 yr old and a newborn… getting the oldest ready for school the Monday morning of October 22, 1979.. The phone rang. My sister was on the other end.. “Mother’s gone”, she said. Mother was 72.

Mother was a truly amazing woman. Grew up on a farm in Saskatchewan. A Nurse, Pastor’s wife Mother, lover of people and lover of her family. Mother went back  to work at age 55 after not working for 35 years. She took an RN refresher course , renewed her license and learned to drive a car all in the same year. She had always been there for me..

Now she was gone..

She left so many memories. How to dry 2 dishes at the same time, how to iron a man’s shirt, How to respond( or not respond) when someone spoke poorly of you . How to live within your means, especially when your means was meager. Mostly she taught me how to love unconditionally. She always saw the best in those around her and she loved me…

Mother’s death changed my life.. How I look at death.. “It can’t be that bad, Mother did it” to how I raised my Children and lived my life.. I also had to grow up and be an adult.. Cause now I was the Mom, not the child.

What would I leave behind?  What memories would my children have of me? Would it matter, when I die, That I had lived?

Losing my  Mother at a young age was incredibly hard for me. Just this year, 33 years later I wished I could talk to her a get her advice.. But it was also such a blessing  in forcing me to face hard things and live through them.. to accept that all life ends and that death is certain.

This September,  our  family is again looking the end of life square in the face.. Two precious women  are preparing  to step into the venture of eternity.. One , at 89 has lived many fruitful  years, raised a family, seen her grandchildren grow up and has seen 7 Great grandchildren born  with 2 more on the way.  She has served her God, her family and her community. She leaves a legacy of commitment, music and faith.

The other is a beautiful  55 year mother of 3 adult children whose journey   we had hoped would be much longer.. Wonderful wife, Mother, friend..with a tremendous sense of humor. Raised Godly children in a very anti God environment… Her legacy is family, friends and champion of the underdog..

Beautiful and funny . ( editors note: Our family lost our lovely Janna to Ovarian Cancer on September 9th 2012)

Again, today.. How do I live my life? What legacy will I leave behind? What will my children, grandchildren and friends say how I impacted their lives..?

” Take the blue of the sky and the green of the forest, And the gold and brown of the freshly mown hay; Add the pale shades of spring and the circus of autumn, and weave you a lovely today..for

We have this moment to hold in our hands and to touch as it slips through our fingers like sand; Yesterday’s gone and tomorrow may never come, But we have this moment today.”  Gaither Vocal Band

Live purposely so your legacy will be one that makes September memories.

Life is amazingly Good

 

 

 

 

God Knows I’m Mad

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I don’t like it when people die.

I don’t like it when people get cancer.

I especially don’t like it that I lost a family member to cancer this week.

Ovarian Cancer.

She wasn’t very old and she still had lots of life and time to spend with people. But cancer took her away from us and God said that that was OK.

My own mother lost her mother to a sudden heart attack when she was only 30. When that phone call came, my mother had a 6 year old, a 2 year old and a 2 month old. God also said that was OK.

I don’t always agree with what God says is OK. And that too is OK. God’s plan doesn’t hinge on my emotions or my understanding.  Its His plan and only he can see both the beginning and the end of the whole thing.

This I do understand. That its OK, that I don’t always agree with His plan or His timing or His decisions. Its OK, that sometimes I get mad at Him, and when I am I tell Him.

God is bigger than me, bigger than my anger, bigger than my deepest sadness and he can handle anything I throw at him. God asks for me to be faithful and obedient, he doesn’t ask for me to never be sad or angry or disappointed or frustrated or just plain pissed off that wonderful people get cancer at all.

This isn’t the first time I’ve said to Him “This is who I really am and I’m really angry with you”. To which He replies “I know that you are hurting and I love you and I will never leave you. This is who I really am.”

So, my mother lost her mom at 30. A ridiculously young age to have to lose your mother. God said that was OK. And now, 33 years later, if she had not lost her mother she would not be able to so succinctly and sympathetically help my cousins through the loss of their own mother. Because she knows first hand what is is to feel like you are dying because of the intensity of your grief and to not be able to walk into a Hallmark store on Mother’s Day for a decade.

Turns out, even with the crushing pain and searing loss, God knew what he was doing.

It doesn’t really make it easier or make my own mother not wish that her mother would have lived longer. It doesn’t make losing my aunt any less sad to anyone who knew her.  It still doesn’t seem fair. But it may offer a small twinge of hope, knowing that God is still in control, and that He knows your mad He’s OK with that right now.